


Overkill

by Llamaonfire



Category: The Beatles
Genre: 1980, 80's, Angst, Beatles - Freeform, Beatles fanfic, Existential Angst, F/M, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, POV, Sad, Short, old john
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llamaonfire/pseuds/Llamaonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: 1980 and John can't sleep as his regrets, memories and plans for the future haunt him<br/>Rating: PG<br/>Time line: Late 1980<br/>Pairing: -All implied- Mclennon, Brian/John, John/Cyn, John/Yoko, John/May<br/>Notes: This is based on a tape I heard in which John takes about his troubles and it sounds like it's set at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overkill

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr post: http://thewritingberry.tumblr.com/post/76844011311/overkill-john-lennon-pov-short

Again I rest my head against the window frame. I can't sleep. I can't help but lose myself in my own thoughts, stupid thoughts, thinking about the past and all the mistakes I've made. The present and all the things I could be doing. Most of all the future, the implications of diving in too deep into my own feelings, letting myself follow instincts and urges that occur to me in a daily bases. ‘Cause I’m like that since back when  _she_  was around.

Specially at night, my mind gets flown with situation and scenarios. Questions of what would happen if everything had been over, or if everything was to be over soon. Would I be happy that it was all done? All the competition and pressure? Or would I regret not jumping into more opportunities? Or just swallowing my pride and writing with the  _ol’Macca_  again. That could never happen… Perhaps it's just imagination, haunting me with memories of things that never happened. Fights that never were and words that were never spoken, or at least that I hope weren't.

So many things I could have done, so many feelings I should have shown. Or shouldn't I? The questions float into my mind as night progresses. Regrets of the past leave me planing the world for the years ahead of me. 1981, that’s a good year.

Day after day it reappears, the memories and regrets that I'll never be able to fix. Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear of it all ending before I plan, of everything that I'm planning on fixing never being fixed and of everyone I've hurt staying broken, because I didn't have the time. Still, even with the sorrow of all my past sins I got to bed and hope it fades away, till it comes back another day.


End file.
